i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
