forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
