"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the day after is always just damage control
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
