I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
