that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize