Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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