Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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