i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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