You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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