Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
