Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
