i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
