My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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