Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
