I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She needs sedatives and a leash
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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