You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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