the condom got lost in my hair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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