At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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