I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
