dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
