I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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