my mouth tastes like poor choices
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
