You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
