i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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