My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
