you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I believe in your delicious
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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