I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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