Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
