Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
