WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
