i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
