She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
