Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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