guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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