He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
