why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
