you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
