Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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