How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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