Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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