we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
