I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
