you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
