I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
