i think my tv is drunk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
