I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
