My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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