nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
