I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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