HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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