I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
