I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize