I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
