margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
