Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Text me some of your sweat
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
