That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize