dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
