I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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