Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
