the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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