i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize