I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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