I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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