I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
