Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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