i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
