Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so let's talk penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
