it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
