If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
