just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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