new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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