im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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