We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize