Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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