It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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