I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
