He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
