I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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