Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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