i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
